What is Existential Psychotherapy?
Existential psychotherapy is an approach in psychotherapy that focuses on the lived experience of human beings, feelings, relationships, choices, and the fundamental questions of life. Questions such as “Who am I?”, “How do I want to live?”, “Why do I feel empty?”, and “How can I come to terms with loss, loneliness, and uncertainty?” are important in this approach.
This approach can be helpful in dealing with anxiety, life crises, grief, relationship problems, feelings of meaninglessness, and inner conflicts. In therapy sessions, the individual is given the opportunity to better understand their own experiences, examine recurring patterns in their life, and make more conscious choices.
Existential psychotherapy does not necessarily mean ignoring psychological symptoms or other evidence-based treatments; rather, depending on the individual’s needs, it may be used alongside approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy or other specialized treatments.
How to Stop Obsessive and Intrusive Thoughts?
One of the difficult experiences in OCD is that the mind sometimes generates thoughts that do not align with our desires, values, or the image we have of ourselves. We may fear harming someone, doubt cleanliness, or repeatedly ask ourselves whether we have made a mistake.
In such situations, we may try to examine every thought, reject it, or reach complete certainty. However, the more we become preoccupied with proving that a thought is harmless, the more likely we are to become attached to it.
From an existential perspective, we can look at what experience of fear, responsibility, control, and uncertainty these thoughts activate in your life. Is it difficult for you to tolerate the possibility of being wrong? Do you feel that you must be certain about everything? Do you equate an unwanted thought with your true identity or real intention?
Of course, these questions do not mean that OCD always has a philosophical root, or that it is treated solely by discovering the meaning behind it.
For the treatment of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, methods such as Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) have strong scientific support. Existential psychotherapy can also help, according to the individual’s needs, by exploring their personal experience of OCD.
Why am I always worried about the future and can’t feel at peace?
An Answer from the Perspective of Existential Psychotherapy:
Sometimes our mind becomes so preoccupied with the future that we miss the opportunity to experience the present. Before anything even happens, we live it in our minds again and again—we imagine failure, we predict loss, and we try to be prepared for every possible outcome.
From an existential viewpoint, the future is never fully in our control. We can plan, make decisions, and reduce the likelihood of danger; however, we cannot predict or control all events in life.
In therapy sessions, we can explore what role worry has come to play in your life. Is worry a way to feel prepared? When you’re not worrying, do you feel as though you’ve become irresponsible? Is it anxiety-provoking to accept that some things are outside your control?
Therapy does not mean relinquishing responsibility or ignoring risks. Rather, it means distinguishing between what we can take action on and what we must accept—its uncertainty.
Alongside this exploration, you may also need specialized treatments for anxiety, including cognitive behavioral therapy.
We are not meant to make the future risk-free; we are meant to increase our ability to live in the present—despite the uncertainty of what lies ahead.
Why can’t I come to terms with the death of my loved one after a long time?
Response from the Perspective of Existential Psychotherapy:
The death of someone dear is not merely the absence of a person; sometimes the world we built through their presence also changes. We may feel that part of the past, our identity, the sense of security, or the future we imagined has gone with them.
For this reason, grief is not only an experience of sadness. It may come with anger, feelings of guilt, longing, disbelief, or questions about the meaning of life.
From an existential point of view, our loss confronts us with a reality we usually prefer to keep at a distance: life is limited, and the presence of the people we love is not eternal.
In therapy sessions, you don’t have to be pushed to forget your loved one or to quickly accept their death. We can talk about the meaning of this relationship, what you have lost, and the changes that have taken place in your world.
Sometimes healing does not mean severing attachment; rather, it means finding a way to continue your life while preserving the importance of that relationship.
There is no single timeline for grief. However, if your sorrow is long-lasting and intense and has seriously disrupted daily life, a professional assessment can help clarify your therapeutic needs.
Why can’t I forget the person I left?
Answer from the Perspective of Existential Psychotherapy:
Sometimes after a relationship ends, we’re not only missing a person—we’re missing the someone who was there with us, the future we imagined with them, and the picture we had of married life.
You may have asked yourself many times why the relationship ended, what went wrong, or how you might win that person’s attention again. Your mind may still be trying to create a different ending for a story that, in reality, has already come to an end.
From an existential perspective, emotional failure can confront us with loneliness, rejection, loss, and even questions about our own identity. Sometimes we tie our sense of worth so closely to another person’s presence that, when they leave, we feel as though we have also lost part of our existence.
In psychotherapy, we can explore what this relationship meant for you, what needs it met, and what fears have made separation more difficult.
The goal is not to force you to stop missing them; rather, we help you be able to experience the grief of separation without letting your entire life be organized around that person’s absence.
Healing begins when you can accept the loss of a relationship without losing your existential value along with it.
Why do the problems in my romantic relationships feel so similar?
Your relationships may begin with different people, but after some time they may lead to a similar experience: feeling ignored, fear of being rejected, recurring arguments, growing distance, or trying to control the other person.
This repetition does not necessarily mean that you are to blame for all the problems. Relationships that emerge are shaped by the interaction between two people, each with different histories, needs, and communication styles.
That said, examining our own role in how relationships take shape can open up possibilities for new choices.
In an existential approach, we can ask: What are you looking for in your relationship? When do you feel safe? Do you ignore your own needs in order to maintain the relationship? Are you afraid of being alone, and because of that remain in an unsuitable relationship? Do you expect the other person to understand your needs without discussion?
These questions are not meant to blame you; rather, they help you see the relationship experience more clearly and distinguish between what is outside your control and what you can change.
Therapy can help you recognize communication patterns, express your needs more clearly, and create healthier boundaries. In some situations, couples therapy may also be appropriate.
Why do I feel like I’m not good enough?
Answer from the Perspective of Existential Psychotherapy:
Sometimes, our lives turn into a project for proving our worthiness. We try harder, achieve more, and find ourselves increasingly needing others’ approval; yet the feeling of adequacy remains out of reach.
You may appear successful on the outside, but inside you constantly compare yourself with others or fear making mistakes. Perhaps you have tied your self-worth to performance, income, social status, or others’ satisfaction.
From an existential viewpoint, one of the most important questions is whether your life reflects your own choices and personal values—or whether you spend more time trying to meet other people’s expectations.
In therapy sessions, we can explore your relationship with yourself, the experience of shame, the fear of judgment, and the meaning you attach to success and failure.
This does not mean that success is insignificant or that we should abandon growth. The issue is whether you can grant yourself value even when you fail, make mistakes, or others do not validate you.
Healthy self-esteem does not mean believing you are flawless; it means being able to face your imperfections and limitations without denying your human worth.
Why do I feel empty, even though my life is good?
Answer from the Perspective of Existential Psychotherapy:
Sometimes people achieve things they have worked toward for years, but after reaching them, they realize the satisfaction they expected has not appeared.
You may have a suitable job, enough resources, or reasonably good relationships, yet still feel that something is missing in your life. Perhaps you spend your days getting through things, doing your duties, but feeling less and less that you are truly living.
From an existential viewpoint, the feeling of emptiness can be an opportunity to ask fundamental questions: What truly matters to me? Are my choices aligned with my values? What desires have I set aside? Does my life unfold more according to habit and other people’s expectations?
The therapist is not here to determine the answers to these questions for you. We work to create a space in which you can take your own experience seriously and discover new possibilities for your life.
Meaning is not necessarily found in a grand goal or an extraordinary achievement. Sometimes it takes shape in an intimate relationship, in a meaningful responsibility, in creativity, in caring for another person, or in a small but authentic choice.
Of course, the feeling of emptiness may also be related to depression or other issues; therefore, if it persists or comes along with lack of pleasure and hopelessness, a professional assessment is important.
Why am I afraid of the future and important life decisions?
Answer from the Perspective of Existential Psychotherapy:
Every significant choice, besides the possibility of gaining something, also means the likelihood of losing other possibilities. Choosing one career path may mean letting go of another; entering a relationship changes the freedom of some prior choices; and even deciding not to decide can have its own consequences.
Sometimes we are not afraid of the decision itself, but of the responsibility for its consequences. We want someone to guarantee that we won’t be wrong or that we won’t regret it later.
But life does not always offer such guarantees.
In existential psychotherapy, we examine how fear influences your choices. Are you waiting for complete certainty? Are you afraid of others’ judgment? Do you prefer not to choose so you don’t have to take responsibility for the outcome?
This approach does not push you toward hasty decision-making. The goal is to help you make decisions by better recognizing your values, limitations, and possibilities—and to accept that no important choice exists without some degree of uncertainty.
Freedom is not only having the option to choose; facing the responsibility of your choices is also part of it.
How do I know if I need psychotherapy?
To see a psychotherapist, you don’t necessarily have to be at a point where you can no longer live your life. Sometimes a person seeks therapy because anxiety, grief, obsessions, or relationship problems have disrupted their lives. Other times, they feel trapped in the way they live and want to better understand their experiences.
From an existential perspective, therapy is not only an opportunity to talk about problems; it is an opportunity to observe more closely the life you are experiencing right now.
In therapy sessions, we can explore what is painful for you, which patterns repeat themselves, how you engage with your emotions, and which factors limit your choices.
Change may appear in the form of symptom relief, improved relationships, increased ability to tolerate difficult emotions, more mindful decision-making, or finding a more meaningful way to live.
Of course, psychotherapy is not an immediate, one-size-fits-all solution. The outcome depends on many factors, including the type of problem, the treatment approach, the therapeutic relationship, and the individual’s circumstances. In some issues, specific specialized treatments are necessary and should be selected according to the person’s situation.
If you decide to seek therapy, you can ask questions in the initial free session about your problem, the goals of therapy, the therapist’s approach, and how progress will be assessed.
How much do treatment costs?
Paying for therapy sessions is one of the factors that, in your treatment process, is very important from the perspective of your relationship with money—your income and long-term investment in yourself—and your relationship with your therapist as a professional whose job and profession is psychotherapy. The cost of sessions should be such that it is not so expensive that you cannot afford it, or that paying it puts you under severe pressure; and it should not be so low that you feel like paying for it is so easy that you could even have multiple sessions per week with your psychotherapist. Therefore, setting the fee cannot be dependent on a specific fixed rate.
The session fee for 50 minutes varies depending on the type of session—face-to-face, online, phone, or text—your session duration and time, your living location (geography), your financial capacity, and the value you place on yourself and on your therapy sessions. The exact amount is determined during the intake/interview session.
Mohammad Jafar Torkan
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